Die Neue Haas Grotesk

I think I’ve become a brandwhore. Since I was a kid my mum always warned me against it but I think I’ve failed. I’ve given in to consumerism. I am a brandwhore.  I am obsessed with clothes.  I hemorrhage money.  I keep telling myself it’s fine because one can always earn more money but I think it’s a matter of principle and my level of spending is becoming unhealthy.  I hate my body. My ass has grown so unimaginably large. I bought a Karen Millen dress online but I can’t fit into it. I now have to lose weight to fit into it. Bloody hell, self, what have you become? I’m so pathetic. When I’m not off being pathetic about my loneliness and singlehood I’m here whining about my unhealthy addiction to the things I love. Why, self, why?

Because we’ll be spending Friday nights in with champagne, Ella and Louis. Miles may drop by, or perhaps Renee (I do love that lady). Ain’t nothing but blue skies from now on.

And so my phone hangs everytime I try to get rid of all that stuff but at least it’s stagnated at 2871. 2871 out of close to 8000 is still a lot though, but I suppose maybe it was more to me than it was to anyone else. Anyway, it’s not all that important anymore and it can sit around in my phone for all I care.

(via blogsecret) I totally feel you.

and we just have to fight for what we want. It’s so scary and I hate it; I hate being an animal but I don’t think there’s much to do about it. It’s somewhat like… the free market.

So occasionally, I look at the progess of my artistic life, and I get jealous. My portfolio sucks and I don’t have enough time to do awesome art (all I have time for are doodles and even that time is hardly around anymore). I feel really unaccomplished in my artistic life and feeling lousy and behind is not something I want to get used to. I think I’m spending my time on things that matter though. I’m reading the right books, I’m consumed by a burning desire to achieve just what I want and be just who I want to be in the future, I’m translating that into projects all around me, and I think I’m doing things right. But I feel so… substandard. Seeing as to how this has persisted beyond the substandard feeling I got from my art a while back, I’m almost willing to believe I’m having my annual life direction crisis. My dear girl, I think you think too much for your own good. Irrelevantly, I think I’m too calculative for my own good. I’m also rather self-absorbed and too in love with the belief that the world ought to revolve around me. I can’t bring myself to give unconditionally and I regularly question why I’m not getting anything out of things which I pour myself into. Or cases in which the input and output ratio is just not desirable to me. Perhaps I actually have no issues with where I’m going in life right now (with this dentistry path thing) and it’s actually just me wanting to have everything - fun, a glamorous job, friends going ‘omg your job is so cool’, a spot in the indie hall of fame, etc. But we can’t have everything; we have to choose, and in doing so I end up being jealous of others who chose the things that I did not choose. There’s no other way, really, because I would not choose differently if given another chance. I keep thinking I would; sometimes I’m really really sure I would, but right now I know that if I got to relive my life say from when I was 15, I wouldn’t have done anything differently. I think I picked the best thing for myself. And I hope this is not the start of the annual life direction crisis. A tad too early in the year for it to come, really.

There was this plan I wanted to execute, this look I was going for, and this product I wanted to come up with. So although there were other bits of inspiration in my head, and other things I knew I could probably do better than I could do this, I had to get this out of my head and so there was no way out but to actually execute it. And visually, it’s looking the way I want it to and I really shouldn’t have issues with it. So I think I’m going to let the issues hang around for a while to see if the art needs fixing. If nothing comes to me, I’m moving on. One can never please everybody anyway.

I am inclined to think that that’s quite a small sum for the satisfaction + number of acts I’m catching. (9! since The xx and Florence + The Machine are a double bill) But oh my, do I feel the hole in my pocket. I need to make the money back, somehow.

It’s anatomy lesson now and I just got a brainwave. Google Maps have been a godsend to most people, with or without sense of direction. The human body, like the earth, may be similarly difficult to find our way around, what with all the complicated names of body parts etc. In that vein, we could totally do with an app for that. Ergo, I propose the development of Google Anatomy. This could also have a GPRS function (which one can use via installation of GPRS chips in their body), allowing the user to determine the name of the body part simply by placing the phone next to it. Of course, there will be an accompanying map, and perhaps in the likeness of Google Earth, a photo of it. I so need this app. Hurry up and take over the earth already, Google.

blogsecret: But all my life, I was told to get into the medical field or forever fail in life, according to my mom. I just want to make her proud; I’m her last hope. But I just don’t want to feel regretful all my life if I pick the wrong choice. Hello there I don’t know if you’ll read this but I think you should follow your heart, and do what you really really want to do, because I don’t think you’ll ever be able to forgive yourself if you pick the wrong path. Plus, your mum loves you and I’m sure she’ll be proud of you when she realizes you had the guts to chase your own dream, and I’m also sure she loves you enough to want you to be happy.

I keep falling asleep during lessons!!